I will die if light touches me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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