I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
