Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
