he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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