U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
