now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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