i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
