sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
