I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
