i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
