I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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