i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
