If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
