I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
