He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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