Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
