and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
