He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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