i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
