the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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