I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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