On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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