We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
