Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
