FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize