who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This baby is an asshole
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
