Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize