I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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