i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
