he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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