she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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