Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
