You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
