yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
