What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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