I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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