hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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