took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
