mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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