it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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