Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
