I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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