I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
