I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
