Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
