From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
