i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
3 2 1 whiskey
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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