I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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