she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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