it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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