where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want you more than these girls want KFC
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
