I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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