Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This baby is an asshole
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize