so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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