He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
