Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
