she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
