the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
