I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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