I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
