we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
