This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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