i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
