i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
