I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
